Oh, Come ON!!

So. Lately my thoughts have been mostly consumed with our impending move to Germany. Not surprising, since it's a big undertaking to move your entire household to another continent, even if the Army does do most of the leg work. I've been hearing mostly positive things from my friends, they're all excited for us. Except for one lady I spoke to the other day. They are brand new to the Army, only been out of basic for a few months. We were talking about different duty stations and I mentioned to her that we are on assignment to Germany and she just couldn't believe that we are actually excited about it. She told me that I won't like living so far away from my family. I told her that yeah, that part kind of sucks, but truth be told, I'm always far away from my family, so it doesn't really make that much of a difference. She tells me that I must not realize how different Europe is from the States. I tell her, well, actually we've already lived there for four years, I know exactly what Europe is like. I'm starting to get slightly irritated at this point. When she hears this, she about has a heart attack.

"You've already been over there once and you actually want to go back? Are you nuts?"

"Ummm...no, I'm not nuts. Europe is great. Granted, it's probably not for everyone, but we happen to love it there. Honestly I could live there indefinitely and be very happy." Not to mention getting away from narrow-minded Americans like yourself...

"Well, I think you're crazy. You really don't know what you're getting yourself into, being that far away from your family. What if he deploys? What will you do over there by yourself with your kids?"

EXCUSE ME? Just who are you to look me in the face with your 3 months of Army experience to my 10 years and tell ME that I don't know what I'm getting into? Do you really think I'm some baby-faced 18 year-old with no idea how to take care of myself? Do I LOOK helpless to you?? Deep Breath. Deep Breath. "I'll be fine. I've gone through several deployments already, and my husband deployed twice last time we were overseas. And I'll do the same thing over there that I do over here. Take care of my house, take care of my kids, take care of my husband. Oh - and TRAVEL. Europe is a big playground, it's gonna be great!"

"Still...it's SO different over there. I mean, do they even have Walmart?"

It's Europe, not Mars. "Yeah, they have Walmart, - not that I find that any great comfort - and lots of other great stores. Ikea is even more fabulous in Europe. Plus, you know, you still have the PX and Commissary."

"Well...whatever. I would totally HATE being far away from my family. And not having all my stores and restaurants to choose from. I mean, that would suck."

Uh huh. Welcome to the Army, sister.


Can I just say one thing? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Okay, I feel better. I'm not trying to say that everyone has to agree with me on the whole Europe issue, I understand that living overseas is not for everyone. There are drawbacks, and for some people the cons outweigh the pros, and that's fine. I get that. However, please, please, please, do not tell me that I'm crazy for wanting to go back to a place that I loved, and that I don't know what I'm getting myself into. It's a big world out there, and I don't have a "stay-put" personality. And if you're in the Army, I hate to break it to you, but you will not get to stay 5 miles from home for the rest of your life. Try not to get too worked up over it, I mean, a little open-mindedness never hurt anyone.

Okay, venting over :-)

I posted the other day that we are moving back to Germany in December, and I CAN'T WAIT! Waiting until then is going to drive me nuts! And although I'm excited about the big move across the Pond, I already know that getting there is going to be a pain in the butt. For starters, I have to get the boys passports, of course. No big deal there except their birth certificates have to be amended first because wonderful Alabama printed some wrong information on them. Seeing as how I live in California now, that's not going to be easy. I have called to see what I need to do, but nobody in the records office seems to be able to tell me exactly what I need to do/send them. It's beyond frustrating. So we'll see, I guess I'll have to call every day and bug the crap out of them until they find someone who knows what to do.

In other news, I'm a full-time FCC Provider now. I had 6 children, but I'm now down to 5 at the moment. All full-time. Of course, 2 of those are mine, so they're 24/7...:-) So I'm pretty busy during the week, but it's really nice to have a good second income. Especially since I don't have to pay for childcare for my own kids out of my paycheck. My plan is to save, save, save as much of my money as we can after paying stuff off, so we can have some traveling money once we hit Europe!

We are going to be getting rid of a lot of stuff before we leave, we only want to take the minimum with us and put the rest in storage. I do want to take our outdated big screen TV though. Maybe it will get broken?? Then the Army will give me money to buy a new one....:-) If it survives another move unscathed, I'll be seriously impressed with Sony craftsmanship. After all, it's already been across the ocean once, and across the country. How much more can it take?? I'm hoping it doesn't take as long as it did last time to get our stuff. When we moved out in '01, we had two shipments - one from Korea which shipped in June and one from CA which shipped in August. They both miraculously were delivered on the same day in December. Chris was in the field, and I had the flu. It was a fun few days.

We're half-considering Paris for Christmas this year...not sure if we'll be in country yet or not, but it's a thought. The Eiffel Tower is beautiful anyway, I can't imagine how it will look at Christmas-time. Listen to me, I feel so cosmopolitan...considering Paris for Christmas this year....I LOVE living in Europe!!

Anyway, I'm rambling....TV Time is almost over so I guess I'd better get back to the grind...

Homeward Bound

It's official - after 5 years, we are finally headed back to Germany in December. It's been our favorite duty station so far, and we've been trying to get back ever since we left. This time we'll be bringing along something we didn't have last time - two curious little boys. Aiden was just a little twinkle in my tummy when we left. I can't wait to show my kids Europe. I want them to learn German and experience something besides McDonalds and the fast-paced life of the US. I want to take them to the top of the Eiffel Tower and show them that the whole world is spread out before them. I want them to see Grecian ruins and Venetian canals and tulips in the Spring-time. I want to experience the Green that is Ireland and the Majesty that is the Alps in Winter. I'm so glad to be going back to my beloved Europe, and to be able to share it with my children.

Moving On

Most of you probably know by now that I suffered a miscarriage last month, at 6.5 weeks. I've been working on a blog post about it, trying to "get things out" so to speak by writing about it. I haven't been able to finish it. At first it was too painful to write about, and then...I don't know. I think I was hoping that by writing about what happened, and how I felt, it would act as some sort of catharsis for me, and I would feel better. But every time I tried to finish it, I would just get depressed again - it wasn't making me feel better.

Then I thought some more and I realized I don't need to write about it. Life has been my catharsis. By just living every day and doing what I need to do, I feel better. I don't need to put all my thoughts down on paper in this case. How did it feel? It hurt. It still hurts. I think a part of me will always hurt. But I'm done doing everything in the shadow of the word miscarriage. It's depressing, and I don't like feeling that way. I've never been a wallower. I'm not ignoring it, or pretending it didn't happen, but I'm moving on. I'm not going to let my motherhood be defined by what I've lost, but rather by what I've gained. I'm going to hold my two beautiful boys and know that one day, I will hold the little one that I never got the chance to meet.

Growing Boy

I took Aiden to the doctor today for his 4 year check up. I knew it was going to be rough, it was time for shots again. He started out very excited to go, he thinks the doctor is cool. Of course that all changed today.

On a military post, going to the doctor can be frustrating. You never seem to get the same doctor twice, they always change your "primary physician" on you, so you never actually know what doctor you are supposed to see, and you just end up with whoever is available. Not really that big of a deal though when you are just going for check-ups.

Like I said, I was prepared for the shot part to be rough, but I wasn't expecting Aiden's reaction to the exam. When I told him he had to take his clothes off and let the doctor look at him, he wasn't too thrilled. In fact, this is what he said:

"NO!! I am NOT taking my clothes off! Doctor, you can't touch me! You can't see me without my clothes on! You GO AWAY!!!"

Needless to say, the doctor was frustrated by Aiden's lack of enthusiasm. I, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious. I was proud of him, he knows not to take his clothes off for strangers, and he is very good at expressing his opinions and feelings. He gets that from me. We managed to get through the exam, even though Aiden was squirming and fighting it the whole time. Afterward, the doctor told me that he thought Aiden might be ADD, since he obviously has trouble sitting still and following directions. I felt like telling him "he's not a Private, he's a four year-old, of course he can't sit still."

On the brighter side, Aiden is growing like he should, although since he never eats more than a few bites at a time, I'm not sure how that's possible. He's in the 51st percentile for weight, so he's average there. His height is a bit of a mystery though - he's in the 98th percentile! If you know my husband and I you know that neither one of us is exactly tall...so where Aiden's height comes from I have no idea!

The shots went as expected. Lots of screaming and thrashing. I don't envy those ladies in the immunization clinic one little bit. Aiden's being a bit of a drama queen. It's been almost an hour and he's still going on and on about how the doctor was mean and made him get shots.

"Oh Mommy! My legs HURT!!"

"Oh really, do you need to go to the doctor?"

Silence...."No, I just need a band-aid and some ice cream."

Aiden feels that ice cream is the answer to everything. He gets that from me, too.

We are thinking about enrolling him in soccer soon...I don't think he's ADD, but he could definitely use an outlet for all that natural, boyish energy!

Snips and Snails

Every year, two days before my birthday, I get a phone call from my mother telling me that "X number of years ago I was in labor with you". After almost 30 years, it's become tradition. Well, four years ago today, I myself was in labor with my oldest son, Aiden. It being my first time, I remember being scared when the labor pains hit. I had read all the books, but I still had no real idea of what to expect. I remember everyone telling me not to be afraid. Looking back now, I'm of the belief that none of those people had boys. If there is one thing I've learned in the past four years it's this - if you are pregnant with a boy, be afraid...be very afraid.

Little boys are an entity unto themselves. They are not like anything else. On the one hand, they are sweet, lovable, cuddly and cute, kind of like puppies. On the other, they are capable of the most amazing acts of stupidity. And the things that come out of their mouths....

Oh well. As I tucked my little boy in bed on his last night of being three, he looked at me and said, "I love you, Mommy. Hug me so I'll have sweet dreams."

There is nothing in life, and I mean NOTHING to compare with that.

Happy Birthday, Aiden. Mommy loves you.

It Must Be Love

I really love my husband and I appreciate everything he does not only for me, but for this country. He takes care of me, and treats me like a princess. He is my Edward Cullen. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do for him....and here's the proof.

For some people, there are certain things that go completely against the grain. For me, these are things like wearing two different socks together, using the word "ain't" in a sentence, going ALL DAY without checking my email, and - a big one - doing anything that may land me in the category labeled white trash.

Chris has been in the field for most of the last two weeks. He hasn't come in very often, like he usually does, so he's pretty tired. He is due to come in tonight...sometime. The boys were playing outside around 6:30 when they wanted to come in and I noticed that they were both unbearably filthy. I decided rather than wait until 7:00 for their bath like usual, I would just bathe them now, a little early. I had just gotten them in the bath when the following conversation took place via text message.

C: Is there any alcohol in the house?

J: Uh...no.

C: Can you go get some? I really want a beer when I get home.

J: The boys are in the bath already...

C: PLEASE???

I rolled my eyes. He was serious. You can imagine how thrilled I was to take my two children in their pajamas and tennis shoes to the liquor store on a Friday night to buy beer. That's on par with me taking a five month-old to Walmart to buy beer and diapers in a dry county in Arkansas. I sighed....I guess I could do this for him. After all, he has been out in the desert for the past two weeks, I guess a cold beer when he gets home isn't too much to ask.

So I got the boys out of the bath, got them dressed and told them we were going bye-bye. Aiden asks where we're going and we have this conversation:

A: "Mommy, where are we going?"

J: "We're going to the store."

A: "Why?"

J: "To get something for Daddy."

A: "What?"

J: "Something for Daddy, don't worry about it, just put your shoes on."

A: "It's too dark, Mommy. There's monsters outside."

J: "There are no monsters outside, Aiden. Put your shoes on."

A: "You killed the monsters, Mommy?"

J: Sigh..."Yes, I killed the monsters, now put your shoes on."

A: "Okay, what are we getting?"

J: "Aiden...we're getting something for Daddy. PUT YOUR SHOES ON."

Against all odds, we make it to the store. I was hoping it wouldn't be too busy yet. Of course, that hope was in vain. I sighed, yet again, and took the boys into the store. Perfect. There is a line of about 15 single soldiers at the register. I led the boys to the beer aisle and picked up a 12 pack of Bass. Chris of course can't drink Coors or Budweiser like everybody else. No, he has to have the imported beer. So I'm standing in line behind half the soldiers on post, holding my baby in one arm, the beer in the other, and Aiden is standing next to me. This isn't so bad, I thought. A few more minutes and I'll be out of here. Yeah...right. Aiden picked that moment to exclaim, very loudly, "Oh, we're getting Daddy his BEER?? Did he drink it all GONE?"

Oh. My. God. This is not happening. This is almost as bad as the time in Germany when a certain friend of mine whom I will simply call ROXANNE decided to announce at the top of her tipsy lungs in the Shoppette that I had forgotten to grab my Summer's Eve. It's okay, Roxxi...I love you.

Everyone turned to see the toddler who was buying the beer. Fantastic. Could this get any worse? Oh....yes, it can. The soldier in front of me (I assume he was trying to be friendly) asks Aiden, "oh, are you buying Daddy some beer? That's so nice!" Aiden replies, "Yeah, I get Daddy the beers. I get them out of the fridge when they're nice and cold. I take it to him in the living room." He says all of this in a chirpy little voice while I literally sunk into the floor. Why is it that Aiden can remember the ONE TIME he got a beer out of the fridge, but he can't remember how to count to 10, something we work on every day?

I survived my foray into the world of White Trash. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. All I can say is, my husband better not think for one second that I don't love him.

And he is going to owe me for this for 100 years.