Just Another Pleasant Valley Sunday

6:30 AM:

I'm sleeping peacefully, all alone in my big bed, soft down pillows, nice and comfy. I start to become vaguely aware of something shaking me, and a small, annoying voice starts to penetrate the fog in my brain.

"Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mom, Moooooom, Mommy, Mom..."

"WHAT?"

"I picked out all of Jack's boogers, want to see?"

I stare at my 4 year-old in sleepy confusion. "You what?" I'm not certain I heard him correctly.

"I picked out all of Jack's boogers. Now his nose is all clean!" He's entirely too chirpy for this early on a Sunday. Suddenly another little head peeks up over the side of my bed, blond curls in disarray.

"Clean!" says Jack, "see, Mama?" He then tilts his head up to give me the best view of his now clean nostrils. I think to myself I should just go back to sleep, and put my head under my pillow to hide. It doesn't work.

"Mama! See!!!" Jack is insistent that I inspect his nostrils.

"Gee...that's great. Look at that, I can see all the way to your brain, Jack. Did you guys make coffee by any chance?"

Aiden rolls his eyes. "Mom, don't be silly, we're just kids! We can't make coffee!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Must be the fact that it's 6:30 IN THE MORNING!" I drag myself out of bed to go in search of coffee.


11:30 AM - Post Commissary

"Mom, where's Dad?"

"He's at work."

"Camping in the Desert?"

"Uh huh."

"Why?"

"Cause that's his job."

"To fight the bad guys?"

"Yep."

"Are there bad guys in the Desert?"

"No."

"Where are the bad guys?"

"In Iraq and Afghanistan."

Blessed silence while his brain processes this.

"If the bad guys are in Iraq then why is he in the Desert?"

"I don't know, Aiden."

"But-"

"Aiden...just give it up, okay?"

"Okay. Can I get some Batman snacks?"

"Sure."

"And some fish crackers?"

"Okay."

"Mom?"

"What?"

"Where's Dad?"


2:30 PM - Home

"Mom!! I need to go poop!!" He yelled it so loud if we had neighbors right now they would have heard.

"Fantastic, why don't you go?"

"Oh, okay. That's a good idea." He ran into the bathroom.

"Do you need help?" I asked him.

"No, I can do it myself. Close the door, I need some privacy. You can't watch me poop, Mom!"

"Oh, of course, excuse me." I rolled my eyes to myself.

"Mom!"

"What?"

"I need you to wipe my butt!!"

Seriously???

There are about 4 bottles of wine in my fridge. When's bedtime??