Who's the Boss?

I had a small disagreement with my 2 year old son yesterday. I gave him a small bowl of marshmallows for a snack and he inhaled them and then wanted more. I told him no, that he could wait until lunch time to have anything else to eat. He wasn't thrilled with that idea, and so went to the kitchen counter, got the bag of marshmallows and proceeded to pour some more into his bowl. Then he brought them to me with an "I dare you to do something" attitude. So of course, I obliged him and did something. He lost the marshmallows and got sent to his room. I mean, what part of NO don't you understand here, kiddo?

But this got me thinking. So many parents have problems with their children not obeying them and thinking they can just do whatever they want. Now, I'm no parenting expert, after all I've only been in the game for two and a half years, but it seems to me that this is probably not how you want your children to behave, especially as they get older. I think the problem comes from parents trying too hard to please their children, and wanting to be their friend, rather than their parent. And yeah, it's easier to be a friend than a parent, but is that really our job? To be their friends? Call me old-fashioned, but I was under the impression that as a mother, my job is to love them unconditionally and teach them how to be well-adjusted, functioning, contributing members of society, not to be their bud. And sure, I want to be a "cool mom", but not at the expense of my kids. If raising them right means that I'm a very uncool mom, than so be it. My boys are not going to grow up thinking that they rule the roost. Sorry buddy, but the buck stops here.

I just shake my head when people complain about how much their children don't listen to them. Well, my son doesn't listen to me half the time either, but that doesn't mean he gets away with it. He may only be two, but there are consequences to ignoring mom, which he understands full well. Kids aren't stupid, they're actually incredibly smart, and very adept at manipulation. How do you deal with that? Simple - be the boss. If you don't know you're the boss, how are they going to know it? Children need boundaries, and people to tell them how to act, and what's acceptable and not acceptable. That's why God gives them parents. I mean, come on people! This isn't rocket science! Aiden is not the most well-behaved child, and I'm not trying to say that he is. He has his moments, (and sometimes his days or weeks) of behaving like a little Neanderthal. Just because he does it doesn't mean I consider it acceptable behavior, and when he acts like that he gets in trouble. How else is he going to learn not to do it?

I totally believe in picking your battles, you can't nitpick everything they do, especially when they're little. But I'm a big believer in follow-through. If you say no about something, no matter WHAT it is, you had better follow through. Even if as soon as you say it you decide it's not that big of a deal. Because if you don't, they are going to think they can manipulate you, and it's all downhill from there. Take the marshmallows. Was it really the end of the world if he ate a few more marshmallows? No, not really, but I had told him no. He was deliberately disobedient by going and getting them anyway, and that just doesn't fly in my house. In my house, Mom is the boss, and what I say goes, whether his little two year old self likes it or not. And when Daddy gets home, there's going to be two people on his case, but Lord help me, Aiden WILL grow into a functioning adult! Jack is still little enough that he still gets away with pretty much everything. Everything being eating, pooping, and sleeping.... :-)

I don't want Aiden to think of me as his friend. I'd rather he think of me as his mother. Always loving, but smarter than he is, iron-willed and taking no crap off him. When he's grown up, then we can be friends. After all, being his friend is not my job. I heard a quote once - "I would love to be friends with my kids, but now is not that time." Amen!