I really love my husband and I appreciate everything he does not only for me, but for this country. He takes care of me, and treats me like a princess. He is my Edward Cullen. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do for him....and here's the proof.
For some people, there are certain things that go completely against the grain. For me, these are things like wearing two different socks together, using the word "ain't" in a sentence, going ALL DAY without checking my email, and - a big one - doing anything that may land me in the category labeled white trash.
Chris has been in the field for most of the last two weeks. He hasn't come in very often, like he usually does, so he's pretty tired. He is due to come in tonight...sometime. The boys were playing outside around 6:30 when they wanted to come in and I noticed that they were both unbearably filthy. I decided rather than wait until 7:00 for their bath like usual, I would just bathe them now, a little early. I had just gotten them in the bath when the following conversation took place via text message.
C: Is there any alcohol in the house?
J: Uh...no.
C: Can you go get some? I really want a beer when I get home.
J: The boys are in the bath already...
C: PLEASE???
I rolled my eyes. He was serious. You can imagine how thrilled I was to take my two children in their pajamas and tennis shoes to the liquor store on a Friday night to buy beer. That's on par with me taking a five month-old to Walmart to buy beer and diapers in a dry county in Arkansas. I sighed....I guess I could do this for him. After all, he has been out in the desert for the past two weeks, I guess a cold beer when he gets home isn't too much to ask.
So I got the boys out of the bath, got them dressed and told them we were going bye-bye. Aiden asks where we're going and we have this conversation:
A: "Mommy, where are we going?"
J: "We're going to the store."
A: "Why?"
J: "To get something for Daddy."
A: "What?"
J: "Something for Daddy, don't worry about it, just put your shoes on."
A: "It's too dark, Mommy. There's monsters outside."
J: "There are no monsters outside, Aiden. Put your shoes on."
A: "You killed the monsters, Mommy?"
J: Sigh..."Yes, I killed the monsters, now put your shoes on."
A: "Okay, what are we getting?"
J: "Aiden...we're getting something for Daddy. PUT YOUR SHOES ON."
Against all odds, we make it to the store. I was hoping it wouldn't be too busy yet. Of course, that hope was in vain. I sighed, yet again, and took the boys into the store. Perfect. There is a line of about 15 single soldiers at the register. I led the boys to the beer aisle and picked up a 12 pack of Bass. Chris of course can't drink Coors or Budweiser like everybody else. No, he has to have the imported beer. So I'm standing in line behind half the soldiers on post, holding my baby in one arm, the beer in the other, and Aiden is standing next to me. This isn't so bad, I thought. A few more minutes and I'll be out of here. Yeah...right. Aiden picked that moment to exclaim, very loudly, "Oh, we're getting Daddy his BEER?? Did he drink it all GONE?"
Oh. My. God. This is not happening. This is almost as bad as the time in Germany when a certain friend of mine whom I will simply call ROXANNE decided to announce at the top of her tipsy lungs in the Shoppette that I had forgotten to grab my Summer's Eve. It's okay, Roxxi...I love you.
Everyone turned to see the toddler who was buying the beer. Fantastic. Could this get any worse? Oh....yes, it can. The soldier in front of me (I assume he was trying to be friendly) asks Aiden, "oh, are you buying Daddy some beer? That's so nice!" Aiden replies, "Yeah, I get Daddy the beers. I get them out of the fridge when they're nice and cold. I take it to him in the living room." He says all of this in a chirpy little voice while I literally sunk into the floor. Why is it that Aiden can remember the ONE TIME he got a beer out of the fridge, but he can't remember how to count to 10, something we work on every day?
I survived my foray into the world of White Trash. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. All I can say is, my husband better not think for one second that I don't love him.
And he is going to owe me for this for 100 years.
5 comments:
You have a way with words. :) Loved it!
OMG that is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever read! You poor thing! Thank God Steph doesn't drink beer. Liesel knows to call my Diet Coke "Momma's juice" and has (sigh), enthusiastically fetched a can of Momma juice for me from the fridge. :)
I was there at the Shoppette, on that night to, Jen I would have to say that was single girl funny, and this is mommy funny!!!!!!!! I love to read you posts, I wish I had the time or energy to write more on mine!!!!
HA HA HA sad thing is I DON'T remember it! :0)I love ya girly!!!!
LOL This sounds like my fiance and I. I remember when we were younger and living in Germany, we were hanging out on Hanau, at the comm. My family was PCS'ing back stateside and me being my fun-loving self, I had to surprise him when I saw him. Wrong. Thing. To. Do.
Somehow me slightly jumping on his back for a second to scare him turned into him grabbing my arms, screaming "bab-eh bab-eh" (KY boy) and then mauling me in front of everybody was alright.
I won't even go into the embarrassing parts.
I still blush about it.
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