Women and Bugs

This is the south, and there are bugs. I've reconciled myself to that fact, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it, or allow them to enter my house. I don't do bugs, they are too small to shoot effectively. In my opinion, the worst of the little critters are roaches. They are just so nasty....

So last night about 10 o'clock or so, my mom and I are sitting in my living room trying to take our minds off of my supposedly impending labor by watching a little Buffy. It's a good mom who will endure Buffy the Vampire Slayer with her overdue daughter. Anyway, as we are watching Buffy attack a sewer monster with an ax or something, I notice something crawl across the bottom of the TV. It's a giant, demon cockroach. AHHHHHH!!!! What is that THING doing in my house??? We both jump up on the couch to protect ourselves from the monster that has taken up residence. Of course, this technique is not going to kill it, so we have to do something else. Something that involved getting off of the couch. So my mom goes in search of a weapon and some Raid, and I continued to stare at the thing to make sure it didn't move. She comes back with a broom, but of course we can't find the Raid. By now the thing has moved onto the floor and crawled under a toy firetruck.

What to do? In order to kill it, we have to go near it, which is not something that comes naturally. My mom pushes the firetruck out of the way with the broom and it scurries into the dining room. Amid lots of shrieking and hopping out of the way we manage to get it corralled between the table and the wall. Now picture this - I'm nine months pregnant, and standing on top of a dining room chair to avoid a cockroach while my mom is whacking at it with a broom. This suddenly strikes me as hysterically funny and I start laughing. She starts laughing too, and continues to whack at it. She was pretty good, and managed to wound it to the point of no return. But cockroaches have more lives than cats, and the thing is still moving its little legs (just writing this is giving me the heebie-jeebies). So more advanced measures must be taken. We got a clear bucket that used to hold Aiden's blocks and trapped it underneath it. I found the Raid and we took advantage of a crack in the bottom of the bucket to spray the thing with enough Raid to take out an entire village of mutant roaches. We then covered the bucket with a paper bag to let the monster die its slow horrible death out of sight.

Meanwhile, we have been trying to call my Dad. He's not answering his phone. Keep in mind that he's supposed to be on call in case I go into LABOR, and he's not answering his phone. So we decide to just leave the dead bug where it is, under the bucket and the bag, and let him dispose of it in the morning. After all, we slayed, someone else can deal with the body. So first on the list of Dad's things to do today is spray industrial strength bug killer/repellent around the house. And it had better work, because I swear, if I see one more of those things, I'm calling an exterminator.

I don't DO bugs...